This poem has been written and re-written about 4-5 times over the last 13 or so years. My friend Aaron Platz, for some reason, liked it a lot and so every now and then i rewrite it and give it to him for his birthday. This is the latest copy, written a few weeks ago ( minus a paragraph or 2 )... so Happy Birthday once again Aaron.. see you over the holidays!
Nights seem to breathe a life of their own sometimes. Everything seems more alive, or just more undesirable. You sit around thinking about nothing and wondering why nothing can mean so much sometimes.
Memories take on whole new forms and sometimes you just don't know if anything is real or if something has brought this on with the nights breeze. Shadows speak in tongues of Angels and of Devils, cursing their very existence and why they must travel endless roads with wandering souls.
Sometimes we feel lost in our own skin, like some kind of mirror reflection of a lie. Some nights you just want to scream at the moon, run away, slip away from all of the prying eyes. Sometimes you just want to feel too alive and not know what to do with it.
The stars are out tonight... The clock has broken..faded and melted past midnight and it seems to have lost me somewhere between now and forever. My breathing mimics the wind and a hollow laugh of a distant loon, echoing off into the darkness. Now why did I just think of that... and why did i just think about grade 10 and that homework assignment that still haunts my brain?? It's been like this all night, it's been like this, it seems, for an eternity.
Someone once said that it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Screw Him! Because I am lost in love and it makes me feel like a man going mad. Everything is so over processed , so much more dramatic... everything is larger then life. Your brain runs a hundred miles an hour and leaves you wondering what you are thinking about. You do stuff you normally wouldn't, say things that seem to be coming from a strangers mouth. I am along for the ride, a ride of past present and future, all rolled into one roller coaster surprise.
This night is full of strangers, lost, wandering around with no souls.. no shadows to keep them warm. trapped in a haze of illusions brought on by the insomnia that is this night. I want to sleep, i beg to sleep and never wake again, the darkness can consume me and I will be forever grateful for its embrace.
The stars always seem to dance on nights like these, dance to the music that cannot be heard but music soothes even the savage beast I am beginning to crave containment or anarchy.
Tonight i will shed this skin of mine.
Tonight I will leave and never look back. I will walk the stairway to Heaven and rest amongst the wings of angels. I want to see words that have never been written. I want to hear notes that have never been played. Is it too much of me to ask for a second where the silence and the night devour each other and cast their ashes across the universe.
Yesterday was today...
Today was tomorrow...
and tomorrow can float away on the breeze that has clouded my mind.
if fools rush in where angels fear to tread, then brand me a lovers fool for i know not where i go.... only that no distance is too far... no fight too hard and no heart is unworthy to feel the kiss of just one more sunrise.
I no longer walk amongst the shadows and lies, I float within the very presence of Heaven. The gods sit on their thrones as I make my way through sacred halls, constellations hang on crescent moons like art.
the Big Dipper pours out over Orion's Belt as Taurus shatters the silence that hangs like icicles from the rings of saturn.
It's a world where i belong... it's a world where just being is something that can envelope your whole being.
Take flight on the majestic wings of pegasus, release all control and feel the cosmos flow through open fingers and tangle with the moon dust in your hair.
What has brought me to this place? Where have all my thoughts run off to? Everything is a mystery, everything is known. I am riding on the upside of being down and all my dreams are somewhere in-between. I feel like I have been sucker punched by the Sandman and he is standing over me, getting ready for round two.
Has it been days since I last slept or have I been dreaming all of these things in some insomniatic blissful slumber.
I am growing cold.. I feel I am growing old and I wish for nothing more then all that I have... I wish for a hand to hold.. a heart to heal and a smile that shines for me.
Now before you go and close down this circus, before you go around and shoot out all the lights... please breathe one last breath into this withered corpse, as the battle between Heaven and Hell rages on for the rights to my soul.
Now it's time to start chasing the sunrise as it starts to bleed across the horizon. I am racing through the stars and through universes so that i can make it to your front door.
You can sleep....
I will be awake....
a cosmic rose lays softly beside you.
I have seen eternity...
I have seen the very Heavens..
I have seen the angels..
as they sleep within your eyes.